He’s been there for me ever since and so do I. And as they say it, a clear eyes and a pure heart can’t lose anything good. Loving and supporting each other abound between us. And if you ask me what I want in this union, I will tell you, I want everything. But as to whether this thing we share will last or not I don’t know. Perhaps, he doesn’t know either. But one thing I know for sure is that, in good, in bad, in parts or in whole, Peekay is the guy who shows up, who care nevertheless, who still wants to stay even when I want it all quit, and who first says sorry, regardless. I won’t call him a perfect guy but he isn’t that bad after all. It wasn’t just about his nice physique or qualities, but something wider, and bigger. We have many families over time. Our family of origin, the family we created, and the groups we moved through while all of this (falling in love) is happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even strangers. None of them are perfect and we couldn’t expect them to be.
This is why it is a bit tough not to say I cannot forgive him for hurting me with this sudden reality. And what could this reality be? He has a son of which, I didn’t know of until recently. What hurts the most isn’t the fact that he has a son but the mere fact that, I asked for clarity and it seems as though he fed me with fiction. Sounds like a bed full of deception, isn’t it? Nevertheless, there comes a time when the World gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. And to understand that imperceptible beat of your heart, you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what its says. Now I understand my heart. It tells me to forgive, to let go of every bitterness so that I could love and trust again. And today, if you should ask me to choose between memories and realities, I will go for realities because they are the things that stay with us. Learn to love and to be loved. To simplify what is complicated. To seek beauty in the saddest places. But most especially, try to understand. I love you, PeeKay. Whether son or no son, you are and forever will be my Perfect ID.
Lost in smog of doubt
thoughts of you haze my buff vision
Fun is what you are
This pricks like a bramble
With tenderness I see myself blistering ecstasy
I miss having you near
Today on dVerse – We are writing on our best romantic (funniest or saddest) Haibun ever. I may not get it all perfect but I shall surely turn up someday.