THE MESSY THOUGTS

c6c117d5c7950882f9ef2fb46405e690

 

 

 

 

 

 

He’s been there for me ever since and so do I. And as they say it, a clear eyes and a pure heart can’t lose anything good. Loving and supporting each other abound between us. And if you ask me what I want in this union, I will tell you, I want everything. But as to whether this thing we share will last or not I don’t know. Perhaps, he doesn’t know either. But one thing I know for sure is that, in good, in bad, in parts or in whole, Peekay is the guy who shows up, who care nevertheless, who still wants to stay even when I want it all quit, and who first says sorry, regardless. I won’t call him a perfect guy but he isn’t that bad after all. It wasn’t just about his nice physique or qualities, but something wider, and bigger. We have many families over time. Our family of origin, the family we created, and the groups we moved through while all of this (falling in love) is happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even strangers. None of them are perfect and we couldn’t expect them to be.

This is why it is a bit tough not to say I cannot forgive him for hurting me with this sudden reality. And what could this reality be? He has a son of which, I didn’t know of until recently. What hurts the most isn’t the fact that he has a son but the mere fact that, I asked for clarity and it seems as though he fed me with fiction. Sounds like a bed full of deception, isn’t it? Nevertheless, there comes a time when the World gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. And to understand that imperceptible beat of your heart, you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what its says. Now I understand my heart. It tells me to forgive, to let go of every bitterness so that I could love and trust again. And today, if you should ask me to choose between memories and realities, I will go for realities because they are the things that stay with us. Learn to love and to be loved. To simplify what is complicated. To seek beauty in the saddest places. But most especially, try to understand. I love you, PeeKay. Whether son or no son, you are and forever will be my Perfect ID.

Lost in smog of doubt

thoughts of you haze my buff vision

Fun is what you are

 

This pricks like a bramble

With tenderness I see myself blistering ecstasy

I miss having you near

 

Today on dVerse – We are writing on our best romantic (funniest or saddest) Haibun ever. I may not get it all perfect but I shall surely turn up someday.

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “THE MESSY THOUGTS

  1. It was a Lovely piece, very brave!
    … for haibun purposes, try putting all the lines together as a paragraph or two… and voila! A Haiku may appear in your talented mind. To capture, short and sweet, for the reader, to expand the abstract, the metaphor, the innocence of art, that we all try to create in our lines.
    I did enjoy with a smile each line.
    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. SMiLes.. my Friend.. thaT iS..
    was a beautiful poem.. rytaephua..
    about your Romance now and certainly
    in the spiRit of Carpe Diem in capturing
    the moment no matter what the form is
    called from then or now.. or anywhere else
    trapped
    in someone’s
    form of before..
    Anyway.. my heArt
    is not for sale for dollar
    bills.. for likes.. for followers..
    for shares or for anything else
    than art of free.. i worked for the
    government for a quarter of a century
    and followed all tHeiR rules..
    i work for
    art now
    and thrive
    away
    from
    priSon bars…
    When i first came to
    dVerse it was A thriving
    place for art.. and then it
    became just another government
    prison and i left and visit free as
    art will be accepted as is or
    forced
    within
    the walls of
    confines.. oh..
    of BeFore.. now…
    sMiles.. my FriEnd..
    i would rather live on
    a Desert Isle of free than
    to be forced in a cave every
    night for bOught and sOld for
    otHeR eYes.. hoWever.. it’s true.. no..
    noT all can create or play unless tHeRe is
    sheet music of beFore.. so tHeir IS A place
    for them in the comfort of the cave that i too
    once lived in
    before i
    escaped
    that cocoon..
    to Desert Isle…
    i fly wiTh
    winGs
    simply free..
    one word at a now..
    one step as a dance RomanCinG
    wiTh onLY God and mE to SinG FReED allone..
    in A Tree of liFe with leaves fAlling effortlessly
    as breeze spReads them as winds do SonG aLofT..
    with
    roots
    that
    never
    end..
    as FriEnds..:)

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s